Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize