My liver just broke up with me...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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