i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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