On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
