I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
