I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
