Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize