hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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