either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
