6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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