Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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