Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
