Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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