woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
