I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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