Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
