Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
