Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
