I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
