dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
