I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
