i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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