She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
