I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
