have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
