So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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