So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize