So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
