meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
