I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
