once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
