Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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