So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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