I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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