you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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