she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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