the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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