I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
