Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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