Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
