Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
