You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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