I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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