My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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