You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
porn star boner night. come get it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
