I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
