hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
