ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
