to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
