If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
