I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am midnight drunk by noon
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Still dying that you shit outside
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
