I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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