Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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