I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
