dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
