You can't motorboat a personality
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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