OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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