you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
