singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
