just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
