There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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