I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
