New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
