so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
