there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
