i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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