things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
