But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
