This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
