All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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