I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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