I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
