So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
