How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize