If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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