If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
