they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
should my penis look like a turkey
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
