made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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