he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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