we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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