I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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