dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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