did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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