I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My feet surprised me
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