I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
