I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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