There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Vodka?
Forever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize