i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
