Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
