I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize