omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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