Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
