From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I need water and some morals
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
