I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I wear drunk well.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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