Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
