I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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