Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize