I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
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