I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
