just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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