Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
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