I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
