i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
