Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize