Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
